The Art of Being BEAAAA-YOUUUU-TIFULLLL

Today, I struggled. Hard core.
I was sitting there, thinking about how my thighs were touching together and sticking to the plastic of my chair. I then stared at them, and poked them until I couldn't look anymore.
I wanted to cry and scream and rip my pants off and burn them.
Dramatic? Maybe. But I can honestly say that's what I was feeling.
Then I had to really look at what I was thinking about.
Were these my thoughts? Or my eating disorder's thoughts?
Definitely not my thoughts.
I started thinking about all the time we spend criticizing how we look.
It seems like looks are all that matters to people anymore.
You see those shows where someone dresses up and does an experiment to see if the 'ugly' version of themselves is treated differently? Yeah. Almost 100% of the time they are treated more poorly than when they are their normal, attractive selves.
I don't know about you, but this makes me SO ANGRY.
Why are we judging someone's character upon the way they look?
"Oh that guy has crooked teeth. He must not have many friends."
"Ew look at the lady's hair. I don't want to talk to her."
HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL.
I know I have thought this way, and it's terrifying to me that people have probably done the same to me.
I struggle with body image daily, and I know tons of people without eating disorders struggle as well. It is SO hard to live in a world surrounded by unrealistic expectations for women and men. Women are expected to have the perfect, Victoria's Secret body, while men are supposed to have huge muscles and a sexy V-line. Who has time to get these bodies?! I don't know about you, but I have lots of important stuff to do before I die. Killing myself  to look like a model is not one of them.
It makes so much sense why people have eating disorders, or problems with exercise.
I am learning that your size or your weight is not a measurement of your character. Of course, I've haven't always thought this way. But now that I am in recovery, IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!
I would rather be at a higher weight and healthy, than underweight and sick.
Our bodies are beautiful. We only get one. What we do with that body, is up to us.
We owe it to our bodies to be healthy. It does SO much for us. It helps us walk, run, talk, carry babies, hug, kiss, cry, etc. All the amazing things we experience in life, we experience with our bodies.
As for me? I am working everyday to be more at peace with my body.
Telling myself everyday that I am beautiful and worth more than my appearance has been incredibly helpful. I don't always believe it, but when I do, I can't help but smile.

Stay beayouuuuuutiful my friends.

-Lela