Oh Hey Sadness- This is Loneliness. Can Emptiness and I Come Over For a Drink?

I don't want this post to be me whining the whole time.
But it might be if we are being completely honest.
I had a really hard last couple of weeks.
Not necessarily because of anything.
But my thoughts have been so loud.
Not eating disorder thoughts, surprisingly and thankfully.

I have that feeling in my stomach.
You know the feeling where you know you have lost someone? (I haven't lost anyone is the annoying part).
When you feel empty, and like someone punched you right in the gut.
And it seems to be the only thing you are feeling.
You can't think about anything else.
You don't feel like turning to anyone.
And you know you are accountable for how you handle what you are feeling.

Emotionally, I feel like I got shit on.
I want to lay in bed all day and ignore anyone and everyone.
I want to crawl out of my skin.
But I am not going to.
I have to force myself to get out and engage with people to stay on track.

This is important for EVERYONE.
Instead of sitting and wallowing in self-pity, get out and find someone to talk to.
Go for a walk.
Call your mom.
Do SOMETHING.
Nothing will get better from your bed-trust me. I would know.

When I was in my eating disorder, I never would have felt these emotions so strongly. I numbed out completely.
So I feel completely overwhelmed. I am being forced to use the thousands of coping skills I have obtained through treatment-which OMG I'M SO THANKFUL FOR.
But I am extremely proud of myself for not turning to behaviors to cope with my emotions.

It's hard to think of all the good things you have going on in life, when you can't figure out the reason you are feeling so empty.
Loneliness and sadness likes to accompany emptiness.
What a lovely trio, eh?

BUT GUESS WHAT.
Whether you like it or not, life goes on.
Life doesn't just pause and let you figure out your shit.
Life keeps going, with or without you.

I never expected recovery to be perfect.
Although, I didn't take into account that MAYBE I would struggle emotionally more than ever.

It's refreshing to be able to feel emotions, even the painful ones.
It reminds me that I am finally alive, and I can cope with these emotions without totally screwing up my body and mind.

We all struggle. We all feel sad and lonely for no reason at times.
It doesn't mean we are though.
The world is not ending.
You are not dying.
And you will make it out alive.

I have to tell myself this often, because I am a drama queen at times.

Hell, I figure if I have made it through this much, there is no way I'm giving up now.

Holidays can bring up a lot of emotions, it's up to us how we choose to handle them.
Me? I'm going to get out of this funk and continue to kick ass.

"It's just a bad day, not a bad life."

Stay cool, my friends.
And be safe during the holidays :)
Thanks for reading, and all the support and love.

-Lela.